


Of Broken Hearts

by Neoneiri



Series: Yookim shots [8]
Category: Running Man RPF
Genre: Boys Kissing, Drunken Confessions, Falling In Love, Heartache, Heartbreak, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Internalized Homophobia, Love Confessions, Love Triangles, M/M, Sad, Seduction, This Is Sad, boys crying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-18 11:54:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29117823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neoneiri/pseuds/Neoneiri
Summary: A part of him felt bad for both Jae Suk and Kyung Eun, but another part, his selfish side, felt happy knowing that Jae Suk also loves him the same way he does.
Relationships: Kim Jongkook/Yoo Jaesuk
Series: Yookim shots [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2043823
Kudos: 5





	Of Broken Hearts

**Author's Note:**

> Found this fic under all my documents, so I just fixed some things. Imma try and finish all the others I have so I can maybe end this. :)

The first time it happened Jongkook had been confused but ecstatic. The Running Man team had traveled overseas for the filming, and they had been paired to share rooms. Surprisingly him and Jae Suk had been paired together, and so both had to share a bedroom. Both had reacted disgusted in front of the camera, complaining about each other and poking fun at the situation. Then they had all said goodbye and left for their assigned rooms. 

Jongkook had let his hyung take a shower first while he organized his things for tomorrow morning. He had been nervous about sharing the room with his hyung, his heart beating rapidly at the thought of having his longtime crush in such an intimate, close space. When Jae Suk came out of the restroom with his cotton pajamas Jongkook had stared for too long. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t seen him in such attire before, but the desire to hug the cute man to him was growing stronger the longer he stared at him. Jae Suk had caught his eyes, giving him a confused look and then simply smiled at him, turning to his bed and taking a book out. Jongkook had blushed at being caught staring and quickly left to shower himself.

The rest of the night had passed in silence. Jae Suk read his book for quite some time, then had put it down and had laid down on his bed after turning his night light off. Jongkook just silently watched him from his bed, longing to lay next to the other man and hug him close to him. He then closed his eyes with a sigh and dozed off.

Later that night Jongkook had woken up to fingers caressing his face, a soft voice gently calling him. The weight and heat of another body next to his made him open his eyes quickly, and his heart almost lept out of his chest when he saw his hyungs face close to his. Jae Suk wasn’t wearing his glasses, his hair mused from laying down and Jongkook noticed the track of tears streaming down his pale cheeks. He had wanted to ask his hyung what was wrong, but lips pressing softly against his made him forget everything in surprise. The kiss lasted a second, and then Jae Suk had separated from him, his lips pressed in a tight line as he cradled Jongkook’s face in his hands.

“Do you love me Kookjong?”

Jongkook gaped at the blunt question, slightly panicked at his feelings being found out. He was about to deny it, tell the man how he would never be attracted to him, but then Jae Suk had let go of his face and lifted his white cotton shirt over his head, and Jongkook got to look at the beautiful expanse of pale unmarked skin that he had dreamed about for years now. He swallowed, wanting to touch the skin, to taste it just to see how much better it would be compared to his dreams. Jae Suk took one of his hands and placed it on his flat stomach, letting Jongkook feel him.

“Do you find me attractive?”

Jongkook shifted his gaze from the milky skin of his abdomen to his face, making eye contact and slowly nodding. Jae Suk had closed his eyes and sighed, hunching a bit over as more tears streamed down his face. He then swallowed, and bent down again to capture Jongkook’s lips in a hungry kiss, biting and teasing with his tongue as he straddled the strong man. He parted for a second, and with his nose still grazing Jongkook’s he whispered.

“I want you to fuck me.” 

Jongkook had been surprised by those words. What was going on? Has his hyung lost his mind? And as much as he wanted to claim the other, Jongkook couldn’t forget about the fact that Jae Suk was married. How would his wife feel if she found out about what Jae Suk had asked of him? He was about to turn him down, but then Jae Suk had grinded down on his semi hard on, and Jongkook had forgotten for a second what he was thinking. Jae Suk again grinded his bum against Jongkook’s clothed cock, making the strong man moan at the feeling. Jongkook took a hold of the thin waist as the man above him continued to push against his erection, and then soft lips pressed against his again.

“Please Kookjong...ah-I...I n-need you...Please…”

Jongkook lost it with those words, and forgetting about his previous doubts he flipped them over, making Jae Suk land underneath him as he ravished his neck and chest, grinding their clothed manhoods together. Jae Suk had arched against him, exposing his pale neck to him and grabbing at Jongkook’s hair, moaning hotly against his ear. 

A few minutes later both men found themselves completely naked, Jongkook lifting shapely legs around his waist as he pushed his heated member inside the body of his hyung. Jae Suk bit his lip at the foreign feeling, eyes closed and cheeks flushed, a throaty moan escaping him. For the entirety of the night the sounds of skin against skin, moans and groans, and the creaking of the bed was everything that could be heard in that room until the early hours of the morning when both fell against each other in an exhausted, sated mess.

When the time to wake up for the shooting arrived, Jongkook sat in bed alone, the mess from yesterday night cleaned, the only evidence of what happened being his lack of clothing and the slight burn of scratches on his back. He looked around the room and noticed that the other bed was already made. He stood up and headed for the restroom, noticing that Jae Suk had probably already left for the lobby. While he showered, the memories of last night came to him, and his stomach filled with butterflies.

When he got to the lobby everyone else, except Jihyo, were already there. He tried making eye contact with his hyung, but Jae Suk kept avoiding his gaze, sticking instead to Suk Jin and Kwangsoo’s side. 

The rest of the day passed like that; Jae Suk avoided Jongkook while the other tried to gain his attention with no success. Jongkook was the only one that noticed the way his hyung walked weirdly all day. The events from last night were never brought up.

****

The second time it happened Jongkook was even more confused. Over the months he had tried to get his hyung alone to talk about the events at the hotel, but Jae Suk had made it impossible for him. Jae Suk’s schedule was all over the place, and when there was a chance he would simply give an excuse to leave. Jongkook had noticed the way that Jae Suk also made sure to always be by either Suk Jin or Kwangsoo, and this just drove him mad. He had so many questions, and the memory lived freshly in his mind. 

But he endured, playing along with the others as more shootings were recorded. For a short time everything seemed to go back as it used to be. Each of the seven members played their characters for the show, and everything seemed fine. Until the day of their fan meeting in Hong Kong.

The other members were all together in the dressing room. Jae Suk had said that he would go into the other room because he wanted to make a phone call, and everyone had let him. But Jongkook couldn’t pass this time to speak to his hyung about their little mishap. So he waited until his hyung was alone, making up an excuse of needing to use the restroom to then quietly follow him.

He had peeked through the door and noticed that Jae Suk was still wearing the red dress and those stupid stockings that hugged his shapely legs nicely. The wig had already come off, having been the first thing that came off after the show. Jongkook watched as his hyung spoke quietly on the phone. He noticed the sad look on his hyungs face, the shy nods, the way his fingers kept playing with the edge of his stupid red dress. Then the call ended, and Jae Suk stared off into space, quietly thinking. Jongkook took notice of the glistening eyes behind the glass of the glasses, the way Jae Suk bit his lip as his back slightly convulsed with sobs.

The need to protect and find out what was wrong overtook Jongkook, and so he entered the room, walking towards the man and hugged him against his body. Jae Suk had hid his face in between Jongkook’s neck and shoulder and cried harder. 

For a while both didn’t say anything. Jongkook just rubbed circles on his hyung’s back while the other tried to calm himself. Then Jongkook felt lips press against his neck as cold hands snaked their way under his shirt. He was startled, and tried to get away, but Jae Suk had pushed him against the seat and straddled him, grinding down on him as he kissed him hungrily.

Jongkook tried to make sense of the situation, but the passionate kisses and his arousal made it hard for him to think. Instead he placed his hands on his hyungs naked thighs, groping and snaking his hands under the red skirt to caress and feel soft skin. 

Jae Suk had seemed desperate for contact, his hands fumbling with Jongkook’s belt as he continued to kiss him hard. He remembers how his hyung pulled him out of his pants, the feeling of a hand closing around his shaft as fingers pulled and played with his tip made him want more. Jae Suk bent to his knees and brought the heated member to his mouth, licking and sucking on it until it was glistening with his saliva. Jongkook had thrown his head back, enjoying his hyung’s mouth on him. After a few seconds Jae Suk had stood up and pulled his own undergarments down, straddling Jongkook and fawning the red skirt so that it didn’t get on the way. Then, without preparation, Jae Suk had lowered himself onto Jongkook’s member, throwing his head back as he shut his eyes in pain. Jongkook had wanted to stop him, seeing how much pain his hyung was in, but not even a second later was the man above him moving already, the pace fast and harsh.

Jongkook lost it then, grabbing at his hyungs thighs and hips for support. The pleasure he was feelin was amazing, his hyung clenching around him, the kisses and caresses. Jongkook gripped him tightly, leaving bruises on his milky thighs and waist, and without even thinking he had bitten the skin between Jae Suk’s shoulder and neck until he felt a ting of blood.

The next minutes passed in a blur. Jae Suk had come with a cry after being bitten, Jongkook following soon after. Both had remained in that position for a few minutes, breathing hard and trying not to fall asleep. Then Jae Suk straightened up, lifting his body off and allowing Jongkook’s cock to slip out of him. Jongkook watched from his seat as Jae Suk picked up his undergarments, cleaning the trail of semen flowing down the underside of his thigh and then putting them back on. Both made eye contact for a second, and then Jae Suk quickly turned to the door and left, leaving behind a sated but confused Jongkook.

When he had gotten back to the changing room the members had asked why he had taken so long, teasing him and joking that his stomach was failing him. Jongkook shook his head and denied it, his eyes falling on Jae Suk. Jae Suk had already changed into a more comfortable outfit, and he was once again lost in thought. The members caught him staring, and they all gave a worried look, sensing that something was going on with their dear leader. 

Once again the events of that night were never brought up.

****

The third time that it was about to happen Jongkook had been more aware of what to expect. Almost a year had gone by since the first time it happened, and Jae Suk had avoided him for so long now. He still argued with him and teased him when the cameras were on, but once they weren’t Jae Suk would ignore him completely. Jongkook had tried countless times to talk to him, but it was all in vain.

The other members had taken notice of Jae Suk’s weird behavior, but no one dared to ask him about it. Instead they had all treated him with more care, making sure he ate and that he would rest up. Jae Suk would just offer them a sad smile, thanking them quietly just to zone out completely. 

Jongkook on the other hand was having problems understanding the whole situation. Why was his hyung so sad now? And why would he, in a fit of whatever he was feeling, try and seduce Jongkook just to later never mention it? Has Jae Suk always known about Jongkook’s attraction to him? 

All these questions, together with the memories of milky, heated skin against his haunted Jongkook all the time, and it was driving him crazy. It was hard to look at his hyung without the image of him moaning hotly against his ear while being taken by Jongkook overtook his every thought. And it was also hard to hide the fact that Jae Suk affected him in such ways since he would more likely than not stare at Jae Suk with desire written on his face. The only person that seemed to notice anything had been Haha, but he had never brought it up.

And today it was no exception. The RM team had met up for dinner, talking about the show and trivial things while eating and drinking. Everyone was laughing, enjoying themselves. At the beginning Jae Suk only ate quietly, smiling and giving short answers whenever he was being addressed. Then he surprised everyone when he took a sip of alcohol, but no one said anything as the man began to turn back into the man he used to be a few months ago. The next hour passed, and the members got drunker and louder. Jae Suk opened up more, laughing loudly while actively talking as he consumed the alcohol. 

Jongkook took notice of how his hyung stumbled as he finished what would be his second drink. His eyes were dazed, his movements clumsy. He felt both endearment and worriedness at the image of his now drunk hyung, and remembered that the reason why Jae Suk refused to drink was because of how lightweight he actually is. 

Jongkook was then surprised when Jae Suk approached him, pulling him by his hand and leading him outside of the restaurant. Once outside Jae Suk had pushed him against the wall, leaning in and crashing their lips in a heated kiss. Jongkook felt that familiar pull, and instantly held Jae Suk by his waist, pulling him and devouring with passion the pink lips of his hyung. 

They kissed for what felt hours. Jae Suk had bitten Jongkook’s bottom lip, licking teasingly while his hands fumbled with his belt. Then Jongkook felt tears against his cheek, and everything crashed down again. He broke the kiss and took a hold of the man's wrists, noticing the tears running freely down Jae Suk’s cheeks. Jae Suk whined at the loss of contact and tried to kiss him again, but Jongkook only held him tighter avoiding the kiss.

“No hyung. We have to talk.”

Jae Suk stared at him, fear written on his face at the seriousness in which Jongkook had spoken. He tried breaking free of Jongkook’s hold, but the hold became tighter. They struggled for a few seconds, and then Jae Suk gave up, collapsing against Jongkook’s hard chest as he sobbed uncontrollably. Jongkook only held him tighter, kissing his head while whispering comforting words to his ear. After a while the sobs became quieter, and Jae Suk’s body calmed down.

“Will you tell me what’s wrong hyung?”

Jae Suk hid his face on Jongkook’s chest, then with a slight tremble and a soft voice he answered.

“E-everything has been a lie...I-I can’t live with it anymore Jongkook…I-Kyung Eun...S-she found out…”

Those words confused Jongkook even more. But he could tell that whatever was going on with his hyung and his wife was killing him. They remained quiet for a few seconds, and then Jongkook finally asked what he wanted to know.

“Hyung...what did your wife find out?”

Jae Suk’s hand on his chest clenched harder, and once again he hid his face in shame.

“...I’m gay…”

Jongkook took a deep breath, finally understanding even if it was a small fraction. Jae Suk let go of him, and he started pacing around, his hands fumbling with his sweater nervously.

“S-she found out...and she was heartbroken...Kookjong, she told me how much she loves me, and how much it pained her that her love would never be reciprocated...But s-she’s wrong, I do love her...I-I care for her, even if it’s not the kind of love a man should give to his wife...T-then she asked me if I loved anyone else, and I...I couldn’t lie to her Jongkook...I confessed that I have loved you for many years now, even before I met her...And s-she didn’t get mad Jongkook. Just...quiet...It pains me seeing her break apart because of me Jongkook! W-why can’t I give her what she deserves? Why...why did I fail her.”

Jae Suk crumbled to the ground, crying harder, his face pained. Jongkook watched his dear hyung, his heart clenching at the unexpected confession. He wanted to tell his hyung how much he loved him too, how many years he had waited for him, but instead he sat next to him, close enough to offer his body heat as comfort.

“Kyung Eun doesn’t deserve this Jongkook...She told me that she still loves me, no matter what...and that if it would make me happy I could pursue a relationship with you...That she will support me and lend herself as coverage...She is willing to sacrifice her happiness for me…She won’t divorce me just to save my reputation, but she’s going to give me the liberty to begin another relationship...I can’t do that to her, I can’t! I do love her, and she deserves so much better...She deserves the world, but I can’t give that to her…”

Jongkook knew that he shouldn’t feel this way, that the words his hyung said about his wife shouldn’t have hurt him, but they did. He had loved that man for many years, and then out of nowhere he had married Na Kyung Eun. Jongkook had wanted to hate her, to curse her for managing to get what he had always wished for. But he couldn’t bring himself to it. Na Kyung Eun was an angel, just like Jae Suk. She was beautiful and smart, extremely warm and caring. And after seeing the way she looked at Jae Suk he knew that no one else would care and love him as much as Kyung Eun did. 

In a way he had been happy that such a good woman would be by his hyungs side, but now, hearing Jae Suk crying because of the guilt he felt after living the life of someone he is not broke his heart. He didn’t know how to respond, how to comfort the broken man. A part of him felt bad for both Jae Suk and Kyung Eun, but another part, his selfish side, felt happy knowing that Jae Suk also loves him the same way he does. 

Jongkook licked his lips, then softly took Jae Suk’s hand in his, intertwining their fingers. He brought the hand up to his lips and kissed it. Jae Suk sniffed, a sad smile grazing his lips, and he rested his head on Jongkook’s shoulder, closing his eyes.

“I’m also sorry to you Jongkook. I was too much of a coward to tell you how I felt. I thought you didn’t love me like how I love you, and when Kyung Eun talked to me about marriage I accepted thinking that it would be better if I forgot about you...But I couldn’t stop loving you. Kyung Eun knew that something wasn’t right, that my love for her wasn’t as strong as she believed...And then you...I-I noticed the way you looked at me, the way you would always touch me...How you cared for me, and all just become clear...Y-you felt something for me...I was happy when I discovered that, but I couldn’t be with Kyung Eun knowing your feelings. So I looked for you...I seduced you knowing that in the end it would hurt us both...I was selfish...I tried getting a taste of what I always wanted...I’m sorry...I should have been braver...I shouldn’t have married her, hurt her...hurt you…”

Both remained quiet. Jongkook held Jae Suk tighter against his side, his heart beating faster knowing that Jae Suk too wanted to be with him...But it wasn’t fair for Kyung Eun. She loved Jae Suk with the same intensity that Jongkook did...She loved him enough to be able to let him go, even if it was only in secret. Jongkook didn’t think himself capable of doing that. He was too selfish of a man, he wouldn’t be able to share Jae Suk. 

Jongkook lifted Jae Suk’s face, kissing his tear stained cheeks, the tip of his nose, his lips. He kissed him as softly as he could, and leaned his forehead against his.

“You don’t have to be sorry to me hyung. I should have said something first, stopped you from marrying her...But I thought she would make you happy...We will find a way to fix this hyung. We will make this better, for both of us and for her. She deserves better than this heartbreak. Don’t you worry more, we will fix it...Together…”

Jongkook kissed him again, and Jae Suk smiled softly, leaning against him and falling asleep in his arms.


End file.
